Grandma 5/13/2012

This was written on the flight to the funeral of my Step-Grandmother

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Freshly laundered sheets snap on the line

Early elementary breakfast and cartoons 

Pallets on the floor

Christmas poem quests

Grandma cheering louder than everyone, Come on Number 7!

Secure love and welcome

That was Grandmas house.

Avon,

Christmas,

babies playing with Tupperware.

Board games,

card games,

scavenger hunts.

Family gatherings in parks, mountains and pools.

All celebrations were just that, a reason to celebrate!  

I never figured out the magic that was grandma.  

How were her arms able to draw any sized child into an

All encompassing hug?

Even me.  

She was so tiny but cast a mighty big shadow!

Her life and the way she lived it defines perseverance. 

I have a gaping hole of despair even though grandma lived her life so completely.  

My brain is logical and tries to reason with my heart, 

I know grandma lived such an amazingly long and full life

I know she was suffering more than I'm sure she let on...

I just don't know What becomes of a world without her.

Why, when I truly believe that we still exist after we give up the physical body, cant i feel joy with grandma finding those she has mourned?  Finding peace away from pain and the cruelty of old age?

A place where she can be whole to fish, dance and do all those things that brought her joy.  Yes, if she desires it then beer and cigarettes would be hers in heaven.  

I don't mean to slow her progress or her pleasure found in the afterlife.  

Knowing grandma, her desire will be to heal everyone's sorrow before seeing to herself...  I believe when looking into eternity, our time on earth is but an instant.  I see her with her hands on her hips wondering what all the fuss is about... when she knows we will all be together again in a blink of an eye.

I admit, am selfish.

I need a world that has grandma physically in it.  It breaks my heart to think that I may not have the ability to do her love justice in teaching my boys about it.  Where are the words to define the far reaching all encompassing joy and love that has always been grandma.

I have none